Relationships aren’t always easy and sometimes you have to just call it a day…but how? You don’t want a tearful goodbye, or a screaming row over who owns which cushion cover so do you just slip away and leave a note on your ex-lover’s pillow, hoping for the best? Paul Simon informed us that there are 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover in his cheesy but poignant paean to love lost and the best way to deal with the fallout. Well Paul, we can’t think of 50 ways to leave our lovers, (perhaps because we weren’t international pop-rock stars in the 70’s and 80’s and can’t be as blasé about who we hump and dump), but we can think of 5 good uses of the iPhone and its apps to leave your lover in style!
1. Write Them A Good Bye Song
For any lovelorn romantics out there who want to document your romance by putting it to music, you should pen a nice little ditty about why your love was doomed from the start and record it using FOURTRACK, an awesome music app that essentially features a recording studio on your iPhone. Just spare them any indulgent guitar solos…
Read the full review of FOURTRACK and start humming those lonesome melodies!
2. Record A Video Of You Cheating On Them
The polar opposite of writing them a love song and taking the gentlemanly way out would be to record a video on iMovie of you getting it on with someone else. This is disgraceful and in no way recommended, however it will guarantee a swift end to the relationship. Especially if it’s with their sister.
Read the full review of iMovie in What Are the Best iPhone 4 Apps?, you dirty dog you.
3. Get So Fit That They Are Intimidated And Leave You
Studies have shown that couples often go for people of the same level of attractiveness as themselves. So, if you move up a couple of points by working out with iFitness then surely our partner will start to feel inferior and perhaps start looking around for someone who isn’t going to make them feel bad every time that they open the fridge door. Cruel, but effective.
Read the full review of iFitness and start pumping those guns and broadening your horizons!
4. Get So Fat That They Are Intimidated And Leave You
The alternative method to getting in shape is to get so out of shape that you scare off your partner with how unsightly you have become. Pile on the pounds with apps like How To Cook Everything and wait for your lover to bounce straight off you out of the door!
Check out 10 Best iPhone Apps For Food And Drink
5. Hop On A Plane And Get The Hell Out Of There!!!
The nuclear option. If enough is enough and you can’t stand the sight of your partner anymore then the best thing to do is get the hell out of Dodge. Use TripAdvisor to covertly plan your escape route and then slip away in the dead of night, ready to start the life that you always wanted!
Read 10 Best iPhone Apps For Travel for good advice on fleeing the country.
I should imagine that Paul Simon needed even more than 50 ways to escape his groupies when he was peddling this torch ballad for the serial monogamist around in the 80’s!