If you own an iPad, then chances are that you are an upwardly mobile member of society, with a fairly decent job and a brain of your own. This is a huge generalization, but generalizations are often pretty accurate, so let’s go with it. Why, then, with all of these intelligen iPad owners clamouring for apps to fill out their Home Screens, did some app developers decide to make these apps? Here are the 5 stupidest iPad apps ever made.
1. Cookie Doodle: For People Who Like To Draw Cookies…Whoever You Are.
• Updated: Apr 25, 2011
• Seller: Shoe The Goose
If you like to make cookies, but hate clearing up then Cookie Doodle is the best iPad app for you. According to Cookie Doodles, they, “provide the dough, a rolling pin, cookie cutters, your choice of frostings, sprinkles, and candies all in one easy to use package.” OK, clearly this app is for kids, but what kid want to make a cookie and not eat it?! For God’s sake parents, loosen the purse strings and let them go town in the kitchen! How the hell are they going to survive at college, living on a diet of virtual takeaways?!
2. 野菜写真集: Nope, Me Neither.
• Released: 05 March 2010
• Developer: Shingo Satou
If you speak Japanese, then you will understand this phrase to mean ‘Vegetable Photo’. If, like me, you don’t speak Japanese then I have just saved you the wasted 30 seconds that it took me to look this up. Let me also save you the dollar that you may have spent on a whim on an app that provides you with 24 photographs of Japanese vegetables. Please, just burn your buck, it will be of more use to the world.
3. Blower – Real Air: A Load Of Hot Air
• Updated: Apr 25, 2011
• Seller: Qneo
For anyone who is tired of blowing out their own birthday candles, (I’m guessing you’re pretty old?!), you should buy this app. For anyone with a functioning mouth and set of lungs, don’t be so lazy. This app emits a very annoying noise from your speaker which apparently has the ability to blow a minute amount of air out of the speakers of your iPad. Great. Billed as a party trick, if that’s the sort of party that you’re hosting, please lose my invite on the way to the post box.
4. Sasamekisscomi: Calling All Casanovas, Come And Learn How To Kiss!
- Price: Free
Another one from Japan, (I’m not picking on them, I promise), Sasamekisscomi’s female protagonist, the beautiful pixellated princess that is Kazama Ushio guides you through the art of tonsil tennis. All for free. Bargain Of The Century. Unless, of course, you have a life in which case it is a tragic waste of time.
5. Hurl: Stupidity Has Never Been So Disgusting
- Updated: 06 September 2010
- Developer: Alexander Magdics
I can imagine no scenario in which a person of sane mind over the age of 3 would want to purchase an iPad app that plays various sounds of people throwing up. Call me a square, call me what you like, but this is the stupidest iPad app I have ever come across. So stupid, in fact that it makes me want to be sick…maybe I should send them a soundbyte?!!!