The iPhone is one of the single most important technological inventions of this century. There, I said it. However, as with any great invention, (escalators, TV, the birth control pill) there are going to be some side effects, (obesity, How I Met Your Mother, Chlamydia…); the fact that anyone with half a brain can now develop an iPhone app means that the market stands the risk of being flooded with more and more absurd apps that serve little purpose other than to make people switch to Blackberry. So, here’s a warning list of the 5 most ridiculous iPhone apps ever!
1. National Threat Advisory – Free, Released: Aug 05, 2008, Version: 1.0, Seller: Daniel Eisner
Striking paranoia into the hearts of simple-minded citizens everywhere, this app has recently reduced its price to ‘free’, ensuring that any American will know when not to leave their house and keep an eye out for suspicious characters. With a National Threat Level barometer ranging from ‘Low’ to ‘Severe’ depending on the potential for a terrorist attack, this app has to be the clearest case of shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. Hil-frickin-arious.
2. HelpMe – Free, Released: Aug 04, 2008, Version: 1.0, Seller: Matthew Chartier
Should a terrorist attack occur, (and remember, just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean that they’re not living next door to you…), you may be in need of medical assistance. HelpMe will dial the three emergency number, (yep, that’s right ‘9’ and ‘1’ and then another ‘1’), for you, taking you directly to the emergency services operator, who is undoubtedly going to a bit peeved at taking your fourth call of the day because you leant on your iPhone again. Unless you keep this app on your home screen, (increasing the chances of accidentally leaning on it), it will take more effort to find it than to actual dial the three digits. IF THERE IS AN EMERGENCY, JUST DIAL THE NUMBER!
3. Pull My Finger – $0.99, Updated: Jan 04, 2009, Current Version: 1.0.1, Seller: Mike Bouchard
If you pull the finger pictured on the app’s screen, your iPhone will fart. Future versions promise more varied fart noises. Surely this isn’t what Steve Jobs had in mind when he first started designing one of the greatest technological inventions of this century?!
4. Kiss Me Thru The Phone – $1.99, Updated: Apr 06, 2009, Current Version: 1.1, Seller: EpicTilt
One positive element of social networking is that it allows you to interact with members of the opposite sex, flirt with them and eventually meet them for a date. Let me repeat that last part: MEET THEM FOR A DATE. Call me old-fashioned, but if I met a girl on Facebook and we hit it off, I wouldn’t want our first kiss to conducted physically via my iPhone. Kiss Me Thru The Phone loads a picture of your beau onto your iPhone and, after holding down the ‘Kiss’ button, then encourages you to plant a smooch on your screen and send it your virtual lover. The only rating on the Apple website that is above ‘1 star’ is a chap called BloodyGuts who opines, “This app is totally worth $2! Once I realized you can resize & rotate everything, it made it 10 x’s better! I wanna kiss this app thru my iphone (no homo).” Which I think says it all.
5. iGirl – $0.99, Updated: Dec 15, 2010, Current Version: 2.5, Seller: Resistor Productions, LLC
The sort of guy who would rather kiss his iPhone’s screen rather than a real girl would actually probably quite like iGirl; you can control a ‘beautiful’ 3D female model, making her perform all sorts of actions, (no, not those sort of actions, seriously guys!), that involve ‘no nudity or bad words’. Words fail me.
Like this? Check out our 5 Stupidest iPhone Apps Ever!