With the advent of the smartphone, the app market exploded. For some it was the start of the new dot.com boom, but with every idea that turns a bright developer into a midnight millionaire, there are hundreds of apps that fail. There are plenty of legitimate reasons why an app can fail but the apps mentioned here have failed because they are offensive, they protest, or they are just mind-bogglingly stupid.
Developer: SHIMON LIMOR
You’ve found someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Searching for that perfect proposal? As this app’s description says, “You’d like to be unique without being pathetic?” This is it, a mass download free app that lets you take a picture and compose a short message. The good news is that this app is free and includes advertisements – that way you’ll be able to find quick results for dating websites when you become instantly single after using it.
Total Ratings: 15
Average: 4 / 5
Best Review: No actual comments. Surprised?
I want to be friends with the developers behind this app, as their minds clearly work in an off kilter and ridiculous way. Hang Time encourages users to throw their $500+ iPhone into the air while it promises to record the airtime of the attempt. Below is a video of a lonely man cheating in order to break the record. The line between genius and insanity is thin, but not Hang Time thin.
Total Ratings: 14
Average: 3 / 5
Best Review: “Great way to break your phone but one of the most entertaining games out, sometimes it doesn’t record your score though :/”
DEVELOPER: NORMAN CHENG
iFrenchKiss encourages users tongue their phones and scores them on their efforts. Despite the fact that it is disgustingly unhygienic, the most pathetic aspect of this app is in the description, “Show off your score and people might want to kiss you!” Downloaders, hang your heads in shame.
Total Ratings: 2484
Average: 2 ½ / 5
Best Review: “I downloaded this app to encourage me to feel more confident…It has made me feel just even more nervous about my first kiss. DON’T BUY!!”
Developer: Spartan Digital Media Solutions Ltd
This is one of those apps where if you are stupid enough to buy it, you deserve what you get. No, of course iTan, which emits a luminescent blue light, doesn’t actually tan you and even if it did would you really want a rectangle-shaped tan on your face?
Total Ratings: 230
Average: 2 / 5
Best Review: “Does this application really help you tan?”
Developer: IPS Pirates
It’s not often that you can consider the failure of an app to be a resounding victory for the human condition but with iAmAMan this is exactly the case. The app (more aptly titled iAmADouche) allows you to synchronize multiple girlfriends at one time while tracking their menstrual cycles. It also allows you to keep multiple passwords if a member of your harem stumbles across the app, which is useful only if she is a complete idiot.
Total Ratings : 557
Average: 2 ½ / 5
Best Review: “Idk what kind of dumb*** would pay for this”
Developer: DailyBurn, Inc
The app was included in the Entertainment category and eluded to the possibility that it could burn fat, but even the developers made it clear in the description that it was a complete joke.
“In fact, the application is so focused on shaking your fat molecules that it’s the only thin(g) it does.”
Apple was forced to ban it after hundreds of complaints.
Developer: Armin Heinrich
I think that this idea was genius, I think the fact that it received international meda attention is apt, and I think that the 8 people who downloaded it before it was banned have the most exclusive iPhones in the world. I still hate those people, they sicken me, but shame on Apple for banning a genius idea that preys on a pathetic asshole’s need for self-validation. Armin Henrich, I salute you.
Developer: Minot Applications
From an idea I loved, to an idea I despise. Buzzed informed potential drink drivers to police check points in the U.S. and was rightfully crippled from its effectiveness after four letters of complaint from U.S senators. It still survives but is now utterly useless.
Total Ratings: 213
Average: 1 ½ / 5
Best Review: “I am mad that I wasted my dollar on this. The creator of this should get sued and eat shiet and die in hell. You thief!!!”
9. Phone Story
At face value this app is repulsive; you play the role of a gunman in an African mine and attempt to catch suicidal factory workers in China as they try to jump off buildings. There is no surprise that it was banned from the App Store but if you take a moment to look at their website http://phonestory.org/ and find out why they did it, you are forced to confront your role as a consumer in the western world and to look at your phone with pathos.
10. Baby Shaker
The only app that has ever made me feel physically and mentally sick. Baby Shaker enjoyed a brief tenure on the App Store. It was removed in under 24 hours, which wasn’t surprising for a game that encouraged you to shake an illustration of a cute newborn child to death and to record how quickly you could accomplish the feat.
For more more apps that you should avoid like a particularly nasty plague, check out Top 10 Most Useless iPhone Apps.
Do you know of any apps that should never have seen the light of day? Post your comments below!