Shave Me! – App released June 2010, Developed by Metaversal Studios, Free!
Artist? Looking for a new medium? Virtual shaving could be the answer. This app shows a patch of virtual facial hair, to colour, style, shave and re-grow to create masterpieces in a format previously unknown. An added spontaneous aspect of this art form is if shaved to rough, the virtual skin begins to bleed.
iPee Drunk – App released July 2009, Developed by Martijn Gun, Free!
At the more sordid end of the useless market we have iPee Drunk. The object of which is to hold the iPhone at your waist and virtually pee into a toilet shown on the screen. To ensure that this challenge continues to be stimulating, the player slowly consumes more and more alcohol. Whether the alcohol consumption is just virtually is an option, and inevitably the act of relief becomes less accurate. WARNING: Do NOT actually urinate on your iPhone!
Man Poke – App released October 2009, Developed by Simpaddico, £0.59.
Despite the connotations of homosexuality brewing in the title of this app, it’s something far different. For the stressed office worker comes a picture of a suited man, which one can poke anywhere on his body, to elicit different responses. I’m not sure what to make of this app, as it may suggest that if society allowed, we would constantly be poking one-another in times of tension.
Ghost Radar – App released August 2010, Developed by Spud Pickles, £0.59.
It’s unclear whether Apple intended to equip the iPhone with the capability to detect paranormal activity, but that hasn’t stopped a company called Spud Pickles from apparently achieving this. By analyzing electromagnetic activity around the iPhone, it can supposedly produce words or images carried by the electromagnetic waves. You could say it just plucks them from thin air…
Bubble Free – App released July 2010, Developed by Orsome Software, Free!
Sadly the digital age has failed when it comes to recreating even the most simple of pleasures. A picture of bubble wrap appears and you tap the popping bubbles. The beloved packaging material, celebrated for its ability to relieve stress, just simply isn’t the same when tapping on a cold, flat screen.
SimStapler – App released November 2008, Developed by Freeverse, Free!
An individual with the power and connections to produce an app, at some point decided the world and all inhabitants needed to practice using staplers. And for this practice they imagined the best tool isn’t a stapler itself, but an iPhone, which when combined with the application Simstapler, “brings all the thrills and excitement of a ‘real’ stapler right to the palm of your hand!”
Hold on – App released July 2009, Developed by IMAK, £0.59.
A button on the centre of your screen appears, you place a finger on it, and hold it there for as long as possible. What could be more fulfilling? I know, let’s include a timer that counts to the milliseconds, your personal best scores proving how long you were not needed for any other purpose on the planet. “Now with Bluetooth multiplayer!!”
I am Rich! – App discontinued, Developed by Armin Heinrich, $1000!
Priced at $1000, when opened this app displays a red ruby which sits gracefully on the screen, and reminds the owner they are wealthy/stupid enough to afford such a pointless purchase… that’s it. Apple stepped in and discontinued the app after a staggering eight people failed to see the funny side, and bought it!
