The thing to remember about the game, Rage Adventure Pro, is that EVERYTHING WANTS TO KILL YOU. See that innocent square block over there… it will kill you. See that patch of grass over there…don’t walk over to it, it will murder your whole family. That key looks useful…it will burn down your house and everything you love then blow the hot ashes in your eyes. There’s nothing softer than a comforting cloud surely…WRONG…spikes will literally impale your body as you jump towards it and the cloud grows a face purely to laugh at how pathetic you are. Not to mention the fact the game constantly insults your intelligence by reminding you how very low an IQ you have every time you die. Which is all time. But that’s what I like about this game, it doesn’t try too hard, the graphics are almost comically bad and the interface is a little stiff and built for extremely nimble fingers, I myself being blessed with chubby sausage fingers.
It’s like going out on a date with a grotesquely ugly morbidly obese girl but at least she has a nice personality. The games graphics and the game itself are actually modeled around the popular internet rage faces and of course Super Mario so it’s rather comforting to see all your favorite internet characters in a game, even if their sole purpose is to torment you every step you take. The title is as it suggests you will rage continuously, it is insanely frustrating, but yet so addictive. I barely managed to complete level one, it was only for my ridiculous persistence but that’s why this game is so perfect, it lasts infinitely long, I don’t even know if it has an end, I’m afraid if they release any more levels that I’ll never complete the game. It’s a brilliant time waster. This game teaches you to expect the unexpected…in short: it’s like a nun running up to you in the street and stealing your spine.
Now you must excuse me, I’ve got a game to play!